Listen Up, Christmas.

I know you're coming on Saturday. People who have more obligations and bigger extended families than I tend to dread you, but I always enjoy your visits. Family and togetherness and presents and alcohol are all well and good (preferably all at once, since that lends itself to drunken sobbing and kitchen appliances being hurled at one another), and I like shiny red bows as much as the next person. I'm still not sure why you keep bringing up that Jesus guy, though.

Not pictured: Mary's alcoholic uncle.

If I See One More Political Advertisement....

....I'm running out into the street and stabbing the first person I see.

That is all.